Its May already

I can’t believe that it is May already! I hardly posted last month (April) at all! This is directly related to the fact that I’m depressed, and when I’m depressed I just don’t feel like cooking/baking. Of course I did cook/bake but only because I had to feed myself, there was no joy in my kitchen. I’m still miserable and I relate this directly back to my horrible job. Its getting worse and worse every day, and they have broken my code of ethical conduct. I must get another job because I cannot remain with a company that treats their employees like crap and breaks my ethical boundaries soley for the love of money. Unfortunately summer (and a recession) are approaching and I fear it will take more time than I would like to get a new job. So I’m stuck in a rut with no way out (I really need money, especially this month)! I wish people would stop getting married and having christenings and birthdays all in the same month. Spread them throughout the year a little would ya! We’re looking at over $1000 in gifts alone this month, not to mention new clothes (I’ve gotten wider, he’s gotten thinner) and a vet visit (my poor Miles had an abscess on his back we didn’t know about and it suddenly burst around midnight on Friday! We had to take him to the emergency vet clinic on Friday, that cost $250. I love my Miles and there is always money to be found for my kitties. That is what savings are for!).

So why am I writing now? First of all I wanted to make sure I try to write more this month, maybe if I force myself I won’t feel so down. I know I love to cook/bake, so if I force myself to blog I might actually start enjoying the kitchen. I really need enjoyment.

Secondly, I need some advice. How do you tell family members (his family, not mine) that going out of their way to make food for me specifically for their baby’s Baptism party makes me very uncomfortable, and at the same time angry? Never mind the fact that I think its a disgrace to serve guests frozen lasagna and store bought cake (that is their planned menu) but to go ahead and insist on making me something special for me, even though I insist that I don’t want special treatment is crazy. You’re not making anybody else anything special (frozen lasagna is very much not special), so why me? Plus they don’t know what their doing! They actually asked me if pasta contained gluten. Pasta! What do you think pasta is made with, cheese, bacon, oranges!? I fear they are going to make me something that I have to refuse, and to have somebody go out of their way to make me something specific and then not eat it is beyond rude, but there is nothing I can do about that! I have to risk being rude in order to prevent poisoning myself. I’ve already offered (more than once) and Brett has already offered (more than once) and Brett’s mother has already offered (more than once) to make food for the party. Now, Brett’s mother can’t cook worth a damn, and I’m likely to get food poisoning of another sort from her cooking, but the point is that Brett’s sister-in-law refuses to let us bring anything and insists on making something special for me while serving processed crap to the other guests. AND she doesn’t know the first thing about celiac disease, even though we’ve told her I seriously think she belives that this disease is just an allergy! I sent Brett a bunch of pdf’s regarding the celiac diet to forward to his brother in the hopes that his brother and his wife realize how serious a problem gluten can be and realize that you can’t just open a cheap can of pasta sauce and pour it on rice pasta and assume I won’t get sick.

I am seriously considering not going to the christening. First of all I’m atheist and find going to church and pretending to believe in god just so that his family won’t discover that neither of us are Christian is very uncomfortable. I don’t have any problem with people practising the religion they choose, it is their choice, everyone must do what they feel is right for them, but nobody (at least his family) seems to want to give us the right to not believe. Still, I have dealt with this in the past and the religious aspect is only a small part of the problem. The real issue is that the dinner situation makes me so very upset. All I could do last night was think about it, and think about ways to actually tell them no. I already have, but they just won’t listen! I don’t know why she won’t let me at least bring homemade Cesar salad or dessert. I have a garden full of yummy lettuce just waiting to be eaten! I have no problem sharing my garden. I love to share my garden!

Anyway, I better not continue rambling, its making me upset. Any suggestions/comments let me know. I’m at a loss about what to do at the moment.

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