Its May already

I can’t believe that it is May already! I hardly posted last month (April) at all! This is directly related to the fact that I’m depressed, and when I’m depressed I just don’t feel like cooking/baking. Of course I did cook/bake but only because I had to feed myself, there was no joy in my kitchen. I’m still miserable and I relate this directly back to my horrible job. Its getting worse and worse every day, and they have broken my code of ethical conduct. I must get another job because I cannot remain with a company that treats their employees like crap and breaks my ethical boundaries soley for the love of money. Unfortunately summer (and a recession) are approaching and I fear it will take more time than I would like to get a new job. So I’m stuck in a rut with no way out (I really need money, especially this month)! I wish people would stop getting married and having christenings and birthdays all in the same month. Spread them throughout the year a little would ya! We’re looking at over $1000 in gifts alone this month, not to mention new clothes (I’ve gotten wider, he’s gotten thinner) and a vet visit (my poor Miles had an abscess on his back we didn’t know about and it suddenly burst around midnight on Friday! We had to take him to the emergency vet clinic on Friday, that cost $250. I love my Miles and there is always money to be found for my kitties. That is what savings are for!).

So why am I writing now? First of all I wanted to make sure I try to write more this month, maybe if I force myself I won’t feel so down. I know I love to cook/bake, so if I force myself to blog I might actually start enjoying the kitchen. I really need enjoyment.

Secondly, I need some advice. How do you tell family members (his family, not mine) that going out of their way to make food for me specifically for their baby’s Baptism party makes me very uncomfortable, and at the same time angry? Never mind the fact that I think its a disgrace to serve guests frozen lasagna and store bought cake (that is their planned menu) but to go ahead and insist on making me something special for me, even though I insist that I don’t want special treatment is crazy. You’re not making anybody else anything special (frozen lasagna is very much not special), so why me? Plus they don’t know what their doing! They actually asked me if pasta contained gluten. Pasta! What do you think pasta is made with, cheese, bacon, oranges!? I fear they are going to make me something that I have to refuse, and to have somebody go out of their way to make me something specific and then not eat it is beyond rude, but there is nothing I can do about that! I have to risk being rude in order to prevent poisoning myself. I’ve already offered (more than once) and Brett has already offered (more than once) and Brett’s mother has already offered (more than once) to make food for the party. Now, Brett’s mother can’t cook worth a damn, and I’m likely to get food poisoning of another sort from her cooking, but the point is that Brett’s sister-in-law refuses to let us bring anything and insists on making something special for me while serving processed crap to the other guests. AND she doesn’t know the first thing about celiac disease, even though we’ve told her I seriously think she belives that this disease is just an allergy! I sent Brett a bunch of pdf’s regarding the celiac diet to forward to his brother in the hopes that his brother and his wife realize how serious a problem gluten can be and realize that you can’t just open a cheap can of pasta sauce and pour it on rice pasta and assume I won’t get sick.

I am seriously considering not going to the christening. First of all I’m atheist and find going to church and pretending to believe in god just so that his family won’t discover that neither of us are Christian is very uncomfortable. I don’t have any problem with people practising the religion they choose, it is their choice, everyone must do what they feel is right for them, but nobody (at least his family) seems to want to give us the right to not believe. Still, I have dealt with this in the past and the religious aspect is only a small part of the problem. The real issue is that the dinner situation makes me so very upset. All I could do last night was think about it, and think about ways to actually tell them no. I already have, but they just won’t listen! I don’t know why she won’t let me at least bring homemade Cesar salad or dessert. I have a garden full of yummy lettuce just waiting to be eaten! I have no problem sharing my garden. I love to share my garden!

Anyway, I better not continue rambling, its making me upset. Any suggestions/comments let me know. I’m at a loss about what to do at the moment.

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6 Responses

  1. Oh Shauna–what a horrible bunch of circumstances to find yourself in at once. I’ve had a similar experience lately of several horrendous things all coming at me together–some big, some small, and sometimes the smallest ones feeling like the worst of all of them.

    You know I am not celiac myself but I do totally get what you’re saying about the food difficulty. I think it’s just a matter of time before more people “get it” about any tiny amount of gluten making you sick, but for now it’s going to be like your “why don’t people listen” post–the connection is just not there. FWIW, I agree that it’s very insensitive not to allow ANYONE to bring whatever it is that they can eat, prefer to eat or need to eat to a gathering like this; and you’ve really done all you can by volunteering to bring a salad etc.

    My youngest daughter is going to be having a birthday party soon, and one of her friends has allergies and other medical issues; I will be planning with her mom to find out if there’s something I can safely bring for her or whether they’re happier bringing something along themselves. It doesn’t put me out either way–who wants to risk making somebody else sick? I just want my daughter’s friend to be able to come and not worry about what’s in the food.

    Me? I think I’d send a nice gift and stay home.

  2. By the way, the best lesson I ever learned about hospitality was from the book To Kill a Mockingbird. The girl in the story (Scout) has a poor schoolmate who is asked to stay for lunch, and she can’t help gawking at his bad table manners.

    “It was then that Calpurnia, the family servant, requested my presence in the kitchen. She was furious, and when she was furious Calpurnia’s grammar became erratic. She squinted down at me and said, “There’s some folks who don’t eat like us, but you ain’t called on to contradict ‘em at the table. That boy’s yo’ comp’ny, and if he wants to eat up the tablecloth, you let him. You hear?”

  3. Rant on, girl! Get it all out of your system (here amongst friends) so it doesn’t boil into some terrible disease inside of you.

    My social life has gone to hell since I went gluten free in January. I’m still too scared to take a chance on someone else’s cooking. Heaven knows, I poisoned myself a LOT before I learned all the places gluten can hide. Pack your lunch or eat before you go. Don’t let food issues cut you off from humankind.

    Sorry about your sucky job! Got any vacation time coming? Take it!

  4. I agree, venting is great! I have never been tested, and don’t know if I am truly Coeliac or if I’m seriously allergic to wheat/gluten containing products (along with milk and processed sugars, UGH!) But I TOTALLY understand, everyone tries so hard to be ‘accomodating’ and gosh, I feel like telling them all a) leave me alone and b) let me figure it out and make the determination myself whether something is safe or not!!

    I am a great cook, and I can manage very well to provide my own meals/food/dining experience. I am TOTALLY with you re: everyone trying so hard to do “what is right” by us, and yet failing miserably and we’re such nice people that their efforts make us feel a bit put-out if we have to reject it out-or-hand or be seriously sick!

    I’m tempted to return to vegetarianism, where most of the foods I would devour are naturally gluten/sugar/milk free!!!

  5. looking forward for more information about this. thanks for sharing. Eugene

  6. Wow you haven’t written in a LONG time. 😉 Just going through my comments and thought I’d stop by.

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